Dealing with it

People ask how I'm getting by, how I'm dealing with everything. I know that I started grieving the day we found out Stacie was sick. That was about 3 years ago. Not that I'm done, I just have gone through alot of grief already.

Tammie took the pictures played at the visitation and added some others she had. They are posted on her facebook. I hadn't seen some of those pics. It's great to see her face from earlier in the year when she still looked like herself.

Stacie had ALOT of personality. She was funny and fiesty. She kept me in line when needed and she loved me completely. She was awesome and I miss her tremendously.

Most days I do well. Though I miss her so much, I'm mostly glad that she's not suffering any more. Her suffering progressed her last 6-8 months. There are days when I realize that I'm down. There are times when I get irritable with friends or coworkers for seemingly no reason.

Stacie's passing

Stacie passed on to be with the Lord on December 3rd, 2008 at 8:15pm in our home. She had been on hospice for three weeks. Stacie fought a long battle and she fought until the end. She was a warrior in the faith and I will forever be thankful to God for her presence in my life. I love and miss her deeply.

Post Operative Report

Six weeks later we met with Dr. Mickey again to see how Stacie was recovering, to take out the staples and to discuss what they'd found out.

The post operative report determined this was an Anaplastic Oligo Astrocytoma. It was graded higher than originally thought and had to receive further treatment.

Dr. Mickey was referring us to Dr. Elizabeth Maher, a neuro oncologist who just moved here from Boston.

My father's heart attack

On March 6th, less than 3 weeks after Stacie's surgery my dad had a heart attack. I remember reaching the ER room he was in. As I pushed the door open I immediately was hit with the realization that one day he would not be here. And immediately I started to stay 'no' to God. 'No, don't take him yet. No, I'm not ready for this. I need more time fishing with him, more time discussing the bible, and more time just visiting with him.' As soon as that thought hit me I was in a quandry. I have no right or authority to say 'no' anything to God.

He seemed in good spirits. He was hooked up to the machines monitoring his heart. It reminded me of when my grandmother (dad's mom) was in the hospital. All those tubes hooked up to her.

Surgery

The surgery was on Thursday, Feb 16, 2006 at Zale Lipshy hospital in Dallas. One of my seminary professors came early in the morning and prayed with us. In the pre-op room we had about 10 people in that room. We visited and prayed together. They all stayed until Stacie was taken out for surgery.

Downstairs we had ALOT of family, friends, and co-workers. Many of them stayed the entire day. It was early evening when Dr. Mickey and his PA came downstairs. Everyone gathered around waiting for the news. Dr. Mickey announced that they got it all. The room erupted with joy, elation, praises to God. There was alot of hugging and crying. I hugged Dr. Mickey. His PA extended his hand and was a little taken aback when I hugged him also.

Stacie was in recovery and about two hours later I got to go see her. She was awake, and talking. Evidently the nurses came in every hour to make sure their patients were coherent. They'd ask if the patient knew what year it was, who the president is, where they were, etc. Stacie was irritated because she was trying to sleep. So, at one point she started stopping them at the door, announcing what they wanted to know and they'd leave. She could hear someone else who was not so coherent, thinking they were at home, and Nixon was in office.

Preparation

The night before the surgery a small group of people came over to pray with us. 7 adults and their kids. One of the guys brought a guitar and we sang some worship songs, discussed our commitment, and prayed together. Our kids all huddled in Bai's room and read scripture and prayed together also.

Another Tragedy

The week we met Dr. mickey my uncle passed away from lung cancer. This was very hard for everyone. My uncle Marc always had a smile on. He loved sports and could tell you all kinds of facts about football and the Cowboys.

When I think of Uncle Marc I always remember asking him to race me when I was a little boy. He had these new sneakers on and said he couldn't run in them. I asked why and he said because it would set the grass on fire and he'd already gotten in trouble for that once. I was so gullible. I said we could race on the street then. However, his answer was that it would also burn up the road. Well...I couldn't ask him to do something that would get him in trouble. I must have told everybody how my uncle actually had shoes that would burn up the road.